Wedding Vows
by Blotts101
Summary: Two little words are all is takes to seal yourself to someone forever. And Lily isn't sure whether she's ready to say them...


Disclaimer: Yes, that's right, I AM J. K. Rowling!!!! And I've decided to write fanfiction instead of book 5, which will come out when you are all old and wrinkly!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
.right.  
  
Wedding Vows  
  
"Do you, James Potter, take this woman, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, through sickness and health, for richer or poorer, for better or worse, until death do you part?"  
  
"I do," James beams across at me, glowing with happiness. Honestly. When he grins like that, you could swear he's 15 again. He's taken extra care with his hair today. For once, it's actually lying flat. I wonder how many bottles of Sleakezy's that took? He's not wearing his glasses either. He knows I like him better without them, and he's not wearing them, even though the spell is painful and he hates performing it. What a sweetheart. I stare back into his eyes.  
  
So I can't see the eyes of the man standing next to him.  
  
"And do you, Lily Evans."  
  
It's Sirius, of course. I don't know who I was expecting James to choose as best man. It's not as if he would've chosen Remus. Or Peter, for that matter. After all, Sirius is his best friend. Maybe I was just avoiding thinking about it. I'm seriously doubting my ability to avoid him the whole ceremony, reception, rest of our lives. I've stood his unspoken presence all this time, all through the tedious droning of the priest, all through the readings and prayers. but now I'm tired, and, as always, my eyes drift over towards him unconsciously.  
  
". take this man."  
  
Damn it. If only he wasn't so. Sirius. He's never been one to fade into the background. Quite the opposite actually - he wrenches himself out of the background, commanding your attention. He's ever so tall, broodingly dark and handsome - no, no, not that at all. I have absolutely no reason to stare at him at all. Maybe it's the contrast between him and all the others up here that's attracting my eyes. All of the rest of us are titchy little things. Maybe it's just the novelty of seeing Sirius dressed up in a suit. I've never seen him so formal - or so uncomfortable for that matter. He just wasn't made for formal wear.  
  
Or maybe it's just me.  
  
". to have and to hold. "  
  
Honestly, this is pathetic. I broke up with him over two years ago. We both knew it was the right thing to do. Never mind all those school years we'd spent together - we were just kids, playing at being lovers. The real world is different. Someone who's fun to be with during school isn't the right sort of person to be with if you want to raise a family, if you want to have a career, a nice home, all that sort of thing. Sirius understood that. Surely he did. I explained it to him, didn't I? He nodded, didn't he? God, he even said he agreed with me! Why am I worrying?  
  
". to love and to cherish."  
  
I mean, come on. Sirius isn't exactly going to be the ideal life partner for anyone. He's - he's unpredictable, he's spontaneous. He'd quit his job on a whim, he'd probably sell the house without warning so we could go on a trip to some exotic location. And then there's that bike of his - an endless source of arguments when we were together. It was too dangerous, for a start. And he spent far too much money taking care of it.  
  
". for richer or poorer."  
  
James, on the other hand. Solid, lovable, dependable James. He's smart, he's clever, he's devoted and hard working. he'll make a great father for our kids, one day. Sirius never wanted kids anyway. We talked about it only a few weeks before we broke up. He always wanted it to be "just the two of us". Maybe that's okay when you're 16, but it's not what I wanted at 24. And it's not what I want now, either. I want to be part of a normal, wizarding family. Strange that Petunia and I should turn out to be so alike. All she wanted to be was normal too. I could never have that with Sirius. Every day would be different, something new and strange. I wasn't ready for that kind of life. I don't think I'll ever be.  
  
". in sickness and health."  
  
At first I'd tried to change him. Tried to get him to settle in one place, to stop or at the very least slow down. But he couldn't - he wouldn't be Sirius if he did. And I wouldn't be me if I had just put up with it, if I'd tried to adapt. I don't back down. It's against my principles. And so, I left. I tried to explain, I let him down as easily as possible, but I still left. Because it was the right thing to do. Wasn't it? Yes, I'm sure it was. I've told myself the same thing for the past two years or so.  
  
". for better or worse."  
  
So why is this so difficult?  
  
". until death do you part?"  
  
I stare at Sirius hungrily, one last time. This is the only way.  
  
"I do."  
  
I'm making the right choice.  
  
"I now pronounce you man and wife."  
  
Aren't I?  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, what did you all think? I'm not sure if it was really romance, but there wasn't a "Random thoughts and Internal Monologues" category. I rather like Sirius/Lily, although there's not much of it around. Hmm. Well, if you think I can improve this, review and tell me. By the way, does anyone know any Durmstrang fics? I saw one on here once but I've never been able to find it again. Tragic, truly.  
  
. I should really shut up now, shouldn't I? 


End file.
